Sunday, August 31, 2014

The Value of Boredom

     An apology is in order. I fell into a classic parenting trap. I told my kids that being bored was an inexcusable sign of a lack of creativity. And I believed it.
     According to psychoanalyst Adam Phillips, having the capacity to be bored is actually an essential element for a full life.
     Boredom is halfway between wanting something to spark our interest, and hoping we come up with something on our own. These two wishes are actually in opposition, but neither is fulfilled. In fact, what we really hope for is that we'll actually become interested at all. But we're not. Everything we look at is meh. We become preoccupied with the fact that we're not preoccupied.
     Phillips points out that despite the irritation and frustration we feel when we're bored, we are actually "reaching to a recurrent sense of emptiness out of which [our] real desire can crystallize."
     Hmm...emptiness...real desire... Wait, doesn't everything arise out of emptiness? Isn't that the necessary condition for something new? This is ancient wisdom. But we dread that irritation--and someone told us it was inexcusable--so we check our cellphones, turn on the television, surf the Web, play solitaire, or just complain to other people whenever the level of stimulation drops below a certain point. It's better to be busily unfulfilled.
     We end up displacing the emptiness out of which what we really want can arise. If we do get to that stillness, we might find it boring. That's okay.
     Lauren, Sarina, Ryan and Alan: I'm sorry. You don't need my permission anymore, but you have it, late though it is. You can be bored now. I won't judge you for it. I'm learning not to judge myself for avoiding it.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Morning Coffee


I get to have coffee with my best friend every morning.

It started at a McDonald's somewhere halfway between Everett, Washington, and Portland, Oregon. We lived 200 miles apart at that time but somehow managed to meet twice a week. We needed each other and we needed that coffee. When we got to spend more time together on the weekends, we didn't want to "waste" time going out. Hence our version of "Javoca" was born. It's a simple hot drink that blends instant coffee and cocoa mix (click to listen to "Javoca"). Over long conversations and cups of Javoca, we answered each other's questions about "who am I." We liked the answers we received.

We got married and got to work for the same company. On the way to work, we would stop by our neighborhood Starbucks and say "Hi" to the "breakfast club," a group of seniors from the retirement community nearby who met there every morning. Then we enjoyed the day's first cup of coffee as we carpooled. We had a lot to talk about. In those morning coffee conversations, we learned to help each other grow and cope with the complexity of a mixed and blended family. 

Both of my sons chose colleges in California. I missed them terribly, and I was beginning to yearn for something more. We decided to move to sunny California to take a look. On cold workday mornings, we would light up the fireplace and enjoy our wonderful conversations over a cup of home brewed coffee before the commute. On weekends, we'd go to the Queen Bean coffee house where we had found the world's best "Cubano." We would spend hours reading, talking, writing and drawing. We dug deep into our souls, asking hard questions and daring ourselves to dream. After umptine "Cubanos," it became obvious that we had to do this full-time. But how? "Quit our jobs and move to Taiwan then." Those "Cubanos" were very powerful!

So many things changed after the move. Our daily morning coffee survived. We now use a French Press, Vietnamese Drip, cold brew, or Mark's secret weapon. Our conversations still center around learning of all sorts. I love our morning coffee time and Mark is still my best friend. I could not ask for a better partner in life!

[Mark says: "Ditto! Lucky me!"]

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Now I Can Be Sticky For Hours

It's all about what one can get used to.

We've been in Taiwan almost three years now, and we're going through the hottest part of the summer. This is what it looks like from the Central Weather Bureau's site:
25 ~ 35 partly cloudy with occasional afternoon thundershowers COMFORTABLE~EXTREMEL

They don't have room for the "LY HOT AND MUGGY" bit. So, as the temps get more "extreml," we strip down more and more, but there's a limit to how much you can take off and still greet people at the front door. What about after you hit that limit?

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Reset

My cellphone acted up recently:
   It heated up for no good reason,
   was less receptive to calls,
   and its battery drained faster.
Fortunately it's still under warranty so I sent it to the manufacturer to have a look. When I got it back, it was like a brand new phone--a fast phone without excess data or apps. I was given a chance to start fresh! I carefully loaded only stuff that enhances the quality of my life. It's not all that different from our lives, is it? Metaphorically, we pressed a big "Reset" button when we moved to Taiwan, and we've pressed several small ones since. With each "Reset," we learn to seek understanding, accept the situation, forgive, let go and move on, with gratitude and honesty.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Getting Through the Fog

A close friend once told me, "When you have your mind made up, you're one of the most productive people I know." That's what clarity of purpose does for me. I can tell when I'm not clear: I'm not moving. And when I'm not moving, I'm not productive. I might be busy, but that's not the same and I know it.
On some days, though, the fog is so thick! Stephen Covey talked about having a compass, a way to maintain our direction when we can't see the landmarks. I'm slowly getting better at paying attention to mine. I start to feel that pull. Then it's a matter of putting one foot in front of the other.

Friday, August 22, 2014

I Ponder

I took this picture from the ladies' room at a rest stop. It is not unusual to see poems or reminders to ask people to keep the bathroom clean. They are usually positive and kind, some even witty. I rarely see any repeats. Since these are public restrooms which get rated periodically, I wonder if such creativity was somewhat motivated by the competitive spirit. The sign here is interesting. Not only does it not belong to the "clean up after yourself" category, the English translation also takes on a life of its own. I ponder and I ponder...

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Commitment

I've noticed that I don't always follow through. I was willing to try--or I thought I was--but I couldn't keep up with it. This happens sometimes when I'm just trying to be accommodating or helpful. Other times, I'm being confronted with a behavior or an aspect of my character that seems to require change.
Sometimes, when I'm urged to take certain actions or make some change, I may agree with all the arguments, assent to their reasonableness and logic, perhaps even chide myself for not having come to the same conclusion. I may even set out a program and take steps to follow it, hoping that if I just go through the motions long enough, I'll eventually get in line.

It's unsustainable. (...more)

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

The Best Possible Conditions

Over the last few years, I've often said: "You being fully yourself and me being fully myself are neither mutually exclusive nor mutually dependent." For you to be fully yourself, you don't have to wait for me, and if I'm fully myself, that shouldn't stop you. That's true, but recently there seems to be more to it than that.
The more I think about it, the more I see a deep interconnection between you being fully yourself and me being fully myself. When I am living authentically, when I am true to who I am, I help create the best possible conditions for you to be fully yourself. When I am not, I don't.
So being myself, living authentically, directly benefits everyone around me. The freedom and responsibility that come with this are vast. I am not only free to follow my own path, it is imperative that I do so with courage, facing the paper tigers that appear as mistakes, failure and misunderstandings. If I do, I can take the place where I belong, fulfill the role for which I am uniquely designed, and help create the best possible conditions for you to do the same.

Monday, August 18, 2014

"Consumer" Alert


Since when did this term "consumer" become acceptable to the general public?
It makes me feel less...less what? Less humane, maybe.
It's as if they ignore all my goodies of being a human--such as kindness and a caring and giving nature--and only focus on my "consuming" capability.
I know I am way more than that.
I refuse to be called a "consumer."

Monday, August 11, 2014

Lost and Found


I've discovered a kind-of, sort-of disturbing fact about myself recently.
I have many "Ah-ha" moments. That's sort-of good, right?
I seem to be recycling them. Um. That's sort-of "Huh?"

"You mean, I figured this out ten years ago?" I asked myself.
It's so shocking coming across an old journal entry writing about an epiphany that I just recently had.
At first, I mean.

After scanning through more journal entries, I am no longer shocked.
I am certain that I WAS brilliant.
Say no more.




Saturday, August 9, 2014

Practice

Sometimes it seems like everything I do needs improvement. I can always point to something that I think I could do better. Several years back, Ping gave me a whole series of CDs and books by Stephen R. Covey, the author of "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." After I'd opened several of these gifts, one of our boys said, "Are you getting the hint?"

The fact is, we're usually our own worst critic, as cliche as that may be. Recently, I've been considering what I gain from that. I'm not finding anything.

Self-improvement is creative by definition: we are becoming. Criticism is not conducive to such a creative act. As John Cleese put it: "Nothing will stop you being creative more effectively than the fear of making a mistake."

What if I think of everything as practice? It's a process. Not every effort gets the result I want, but whatever I'm working on, I can hone it, refine it, and iterate until I get something I like. I'll know it when I see it. Until then, I'll keep practicing.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Real Lunchtime Conversation: "Song or Poo?"

If you had been sitting with us at lunch today, you would have heard the following exchange as we were opening a new package of RouSong 肉鬆 (a.k.a. "pork floss" or "meat wool"). Actually, as I opened the package, I wasn't sure if it was RouSong or a slightly different kind known as RouPu 肉脯. "Row Poo?" Here's how it went:

Mark: Is this song or poo?
Ping: I don't know.
M: I thought the texture was the difference.
P:  You have to taste it to find out.
M: (takes a bite) It's kind of chewy.
P: Poo, then.
M: So poo is chewier??

It turns out that not only is this poo, it's actually made from mushrooms, so it's GOO POO! (菇脯!)

Our appetites overcame even such a coarse discourse over this course, of course.


 Thanks to www.survivalistboards.com for this, um...accurate image.
Thanks to www.survivalistboards.com for this...uh...accurate image.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

"Pícaro" - Now on Soundcloud

Here's a piece I call "Picaro". It's an atonal bit with pizzicato strings and drums. And ...sounds.  2:00

He's in there
Somewhere
In here
No
Still?
Maybe not--
Oh
Yeah
There
Oops!
Where?

Whattheheckisgoingon and Whotheheckarewe?

Ping and I have been at this for three years now. We've gone from Corporate America to Beitou, Taiwan. We've spent a lot of these three years trying to figure out what's up. This week was a rough one. We both floundered, pretty painfully. It's amazing how dark the world can seem when we lose our bearings. But here's the point:
We're still working on getting “what we do” to be closer to “who we are.”
It’s an experiment--a bet, maybe--that we can do something authentic, something that uses everything we have, that opens up all the possibilities, and that somehow serves the world in a valuable, sustainable way.
Have we got it? Not yet. Well, part of it, yes, sometimes. Some days, not at all. We have more questions than answers. Sometimes I wonder: who needs more pretty paintings, more songs, another