Friday, December 21, 2012

The Cole-Bear Report: Mass Kundalini Awakening in Airport Waiting Area

Dateline: Saturday 12/22/2012 Taipei, Taiwan

Approximately 500 people waiting to board Guru Airlines Flight 1222 bound for Tokyo have apparently experienced what some experts have called a "mass kundalini awakening."

At precisely 12:22 PM, in what one passenger from the USA whose name we could not understand, described as "the weirdest gosh-darn thing you ever saw," an entire waiting room of passengers spontaneously and simultaneously began performing seemingly random, highly complex and difficult physical movements.

A group of yoga experts waiting for their flight in an adjacent area immediately identified the movements as typical of "kundalini yoga," which one described as "a physical and spiritual experience where blocked energy is released so it can flow freely through the entire system."

Passengers who experienced it described it variously as "cool," "strenuous," "fascinating," "curious," and "Dude! Like, whoa!" According to all involved, no one got hurt, a fact which passersby such as M. Simpson of Springfield, USA, considered "amazing."

Through an interpreter, Kuang Chen-Shin of Taipei said it was "like modern dance...only weirder." Kuang said she was still feeling the urge to "breathe funny" but that the feelings apparently calmed down when the announcement to board was made.

Buford Mortimer of Alabama, USA, said: "I always thought 'kundalini' was some sort of pasta dish, but I woulda had it without the 'coon anyways, 'cause I'm a vegetarian."

Another passenger also waiting to board Flight 1222, Mr. E. Scrooge, from London, England, insisted that the entire experience was either "too much Christmas cheer" or perhaps "nothing but a bit of bad beef." When others did not corroborate Mr. Scrooge's explanation, he replied: "Bah, humbug."

;-)

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